Happy Sunday dear friends!
I just wanted to quickly give some encouragement to those who may be struggling with their chronic illnesses. Friends, yesterday was a TOUGH day. I had an extremely tough week at work and was physically and mentally drained. I just feel like the rain in my life will never stop. I do wonder sometimes if I have too much on my plate these days, but then I remind myself how I’m working so hard to get to my end goal. And then I think is jeopardizing my health really worth trying to get to my end goal?
Right now, I am working two jobs, taking two masters courses and a slew of other things going on on a daily basis. I am up from sunrise to sundown. There are days where I forget to take my meds(which is a big no no when you are heart patient), not eat at all and lose sleep. This is not good. How did I allow myself to get this way?
To be honest, this is hard. 5 years ago, I had that “5 year plan” in my head and that went out the window almost exactly 5 years ago. Sound familiar? Actually it will be 5 years on January 30th. That was the initial diagnosis of my major heart problem. Didn’t do anything about for 4 months, but I’ll explain all that and why I did in another blog post soon.
Working for me is not like a normal work day. It’s hard. SO hard. I manage pretty well, but by the end of the week, my body is overload to the point where my Saturdays have become the “I do not get out of bed day”. And it’s hard because it’s Saturday. I have a ton of things to do or catch up on. Ahem…school work. But, I just can’t physically pull myself together. It is literally like my body is telling me to STOP and REST! I am a fighter and I always lose this battle. I guess that’s God’s way of protecting me.
Yesterday, I just allowed myself to feel so hopeless about life, my goals, and everything in between. I have cried more tears these last 5 years than I ever wanted to and felt like it was another day filled with such suffering. Like the rain would never let up. To say, I’m done and I want to change is easier said than done. If I didn’t have this heart defect and trauma to my body physically and mentally, I may have possibly pulled myself together, got a workout in and so many other things. But, I didn’t do any of that because I simply needed to rest my body more than most people. I thought I was wasting away another day and it just didn’t seem fair, but necessary. I made the best of it by sitting near the fireplace and watching some Netflix.
Waking up this morning was a little easier than yesterday! Yay! But of course I am more stressed now between getting ready for another work and school week. It’s raining here near me and all I wanted to do was shower and get into comfy clothes. But I pulled myself together, showered, put on cute clothes and makeup and I feel like a new person. Yesterday needed to happen and will happen again this coming Saturday, but I’ve come to realize, it’s necessary and helps me to see my life from a different perspective.
If you are feeling hopeless these days with your life long disease, allow yourself to feel that way. It’s perfectly ok and actually necessary. But, try not to let it get to you for too long. Take a hot shower, put on makeup! Our bodies have been through SO much and sometimes feeling “normal” can help get you through the day. Remember, the rain will stop!
Are there anyways or ideas that help YOU feel better on the really hard days? I would love to hear it!!!